The lucidity of Compatibility and Chemistry
The biggest mistake we make is that we completely confuse compatibility and chemistry. We struggle to find out whether we have compatibility, chemistry, connection, or a spark with someone, because most of our visions of those things are brought by media, music and movies we consume.
One of the biggest pressure we make in our relationships is that we expect the One to be the only one.
We want our partner to be the most philosophical discussion we have.
We want them to be the most fun person in the world. We want them to be the most active, energetic and caring person in the world. We want them to be everything.
But guess what? They can't be everything and neither can you.
Chemistry is a simple emotion that two people get when they share a special connection. It is the impulse making one think "I need to see this [other] person again" - that feeling of "we click". It is very early in one's relationship that they can intuitively work out whether they have positive or negative chemistry.
According to Vikki Ziegler, relationship expert and author of The Pre- Marital Planner, Compatibility means that you get along with somebody very well.
Relationship compatibility exists, first and foremost, when a couple relates with equality and respect. It’s important for couples to have fun together and really enjoy the time they spend together.
When you're compatible with someone, you enjoy each other’s company, you like the same or similar hobbies, and you may even like to eat the same food. Most importantly, you have similar views on marriage and kids.
Relationships thrive when two people share companionship and activities.
However, a couple doesn’t have to have every interest in common.
The first principle of compatibility is Communication style and approach.
Figure out early if you have different communication styles, how you want to communicate about your problems, how you want to communicate about your challenges and how you want to communicate about the good things.
The Second principle of compatibility is Personal goals.
Having similar interest is important but it's not just about liking the same things. It's about being in a similar place in life.
Meaning that you are looking forward and ready for the next phase together.
If you have chosen to be with someone who isn't at the same stage in life, whether they are ahead or behind, you have to recognize what that takes.
The Third principle of compatibility is Honesty and Comfort in expressing one's self.
If you are with someone where you can't be honest or express yourself, you are packing all that in, you are congesting it and suppressing it, internally and that's going to explode one day at one point.
And sometimes we make it seem like our partners can't deal with it, when actually when we take that step and do it in the right way, things change.
Sometimes it's just in our heads that we can't share it with them and when we actually do, it makes a big difference.
So, don't get caught up in just wanting chemistry.
Don't just get caught up in wanting the spark and the joy.
I'm not saying it shouldn't be there,
neither am saying it doesn't exist,
But am saying there's more to it.
Chemistry is such a powerful force that many confuse it with compatibility.
And we think that if it doesn't have chemistry, it's not going to work.
Give it a thought !
Written by
Faluyi Ifeoluwa
The biggest mistake we make is that we completely confuse compatibility and chemistry. We struggle to find out whether we have compatibility, chemistry, connection, or a spark with someone, because most of our visions of those things are brought by media, music and movies we consume.
One of the biggest pressure we make in our relationships is that we expect the One to be the only one.
We want our partner to be the most philosophical discussion we have.
We want them to be the most fun person in the world. We want them to be the most active, energetic and caring person in the world. We want them to be everything.
But guess what? They can't be everything and neither can you.
Chemistry is a simple emotion that two people get when they share a special connection. It is the impulse making one think "I need to see this [other] person again" - that feeling of "we click". It is very early in one's relationship that they can intuitively work out whether they have positive or negative chemistry.
According to Vikki Ziegler, relationship expert and author of The Pre- Marital Planner, Compatibility means that you get along with somebody very well.
Relationship compatibility exists, first and foremost, when a couple relates with equality and respect. It’s important for couples to have fun together and really enjoy the time they spend together.
When you're compatible with someone, you enjoy each other’s company, you like the same or similar hobbies, and you may even like to eat the same food. Most importantly, you have similar views on marriage and kids.
Relationships thrive when two people share companionship and activities.
However, a couple doesn’t have to have every interest in common.
The first principle of compatibility is Communication style and approach.
Figure out early if you have different communication styles, how you want to communicate about your problems, how you want to communicate about your challenges and how you want to communicate about the good things.
The Second principle of compatibility is Personal goals.
Having similar interest is important but it's not just about liking the same things. It's about being in a similar place in life.
Meaning that you are looking forward and ready for the next phase together.
If you have chosen to be with someone who isn't at the same stage in life, whether they are ahead or behind, you have to recognize what that takes.
The Third principle of compatibility is Honesty and Comfort in expressing one's self.
If you are with someone where you can't be honest or express yourself, you are packing all that in, you are congesting it and suppressing it, internally and that's going to explode one day at one point.
And sometimes we make it seem like our partners can't deal with it, when actually when we take that step and do it in the right way, things change.
Sometimes it's just in our heads that we can't share it with them and when we actually do, it makes a big difference.
So, don't get caught up in just wanting chemistry.
Don't just get caught up in wanting the spark and the joy.
I'm not saying it shouldn't be there,
neither am saying it doesn't exist,
But am saying there's more to it.
Chemistry is such a powerful force that many confuse it with compatibility.
And we think that if it doesn't have chemistry, it's not going to work.
Give it a thought !
Written by
Faluyi Ifeoluwa